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One of Ours (Complete Script) by TOMCAVANAUGH

:iconvitamorior:
--I personally loved this screen play. I think it's really cool that it's all based off of a real corrupt Police Department. Thought it's obviously a new story it felt like it was in the 50's which I just adore!

--A screen play is something I've never seen on Deviant Art and it really shows how our website works and what were trying to provoke: To alter art from other art, to change art in a positive way while also having a contrast between pieces, and to depart from the most direct way.

--The screen play itself was very touching at some parts. It did have some slightly uninteresting parts but I think those are necessary to keep other parts interesting. At the end I was so surprised to how things turned out between "Father" and Son. When I started reading it I had the impression it was a short present story where as Tom took it to the next level. And yet to relate it all back to the fact that this was all real.

--I gave it a 4 on Vision because I did feel like there were parts in the text where either the point wasn't exactly made and the reader was kind of left hanging, or my personal vision was skewed of the activities of the characters (Which I do understand they did happen and they are not far fetched (As said in description). On the Originality I just had to give it a 5 because as previously stated it really proves deviousness. Technique was given a 5 for the same reason as Originality, and Originality was based off of the Technique. Impact I gave a 3, but that is due to my belief on controlling my life 100%.

--Now this is my first critique so please do tell me, on my page, how I did as i wish to do more. And don't be afraid to get critical, I would love to improve!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much for the great review. It's been really helpful to hear from the community about this particular screenplay. It's been in workshop, but what I learned a long time ago is "HOW TO BEAT THE READER" that means the person the Executive hands the script to who reads and writes it up. If they dont want to turn the page they will stop at any given point... maybe the 2 page even and then dump the scores.

You're a great reviewer because you give the good points and then give what took you out of the read and that's helpful to fix. Thanks, it was good for me to read what you had to say.

So there's a lot of screenplays and stageplays on DA. I was told this was the first screenplay to make it on to a DD. Thank you again and please keep in touch. Any way I can make my work better is appreciated!
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